Holiday season survival tips

It's that time of the year again. Holiday season! The time of year people expect you to be happy and in good cheer. How many people really talk about the holiday stress of having to get everything done: shopping, decorating, Christmas cards.

Now as this is stressful for the general population, you can imagine how much harder it is going to be for Highly sensitive people or those coping with pain. More often than usual you don't want to show your family and friends how stressed you are and of course everything you do has to be perfect. :)

Yet I tell you it is time to change. It is hard to hear, but don't try to be perfect, good is good enough.

Here are some plans to get through the holiday season  with less stress and more enjoyment

• Plan! Plan! Plan! Start your preparations early! Best is to make a plan of all you have to do and leave yourself plenty of free time for days that you are really not up to doing anything.
• Prioritise, go through your Christmas card list and ask yourself do you really need to send them all? Did everyone return your cards last year? Could you just send some people an online card? The same with sending parcels. Does it give you stress or pleasure?
• Delegate! Delegate! Delegate. Listen carefully, you do not have to do everything on your own. Family and friends are capable of helping and often they are glad to help you. They would rather see you happy and doing less than miserable when doing everything on your own. A hard thing to get for us perfectionists.
• Say no. If you are not up for family visits Christmas eve and/or both days of Christmas, don't do it. Think of yourself first.

 I know this is not as easy as it sounds. You don't want to let anyone down. But keep in mind, if you try to please everyone around you, you are going to be the one ending up in pain and with a lot of stress. Look after yourself first.

Let me know if you have any holiday tips and success stories of managing your stress in this last month of the year.
 

enJOY

I am now in week two of the practice building conference 2011. And it is bringing me so much. Wonderful presentations and networking with other counsellors. One thing is clear, we are all out there to do the best job we can online in helping people and doing that in an ethical way. That is what brought me the most joy during the first week.

That is what stayed with me from one of the talks last week. Enjoying and looking at the bright side of life is not always easy for those in constant pain or those highly sensitive people out there who are always bombarded with new information. And yet it is the essense of life! Look at what works in your life not at what doesn't work. I know this is not always easy an I am not saying that I succeed every day. I will say that it has enriched my life and makes me feel much more content even on the bad days.

This always makes me feel joy

The presentation mentioned a very easy and fast excersise to keep you focussed on the joy.
At the end of the day just sit and write down 5 things that you have been grateful for that day. Those can be simple thoughts or much deeper thoughts

• I am grateful the sun is shining
• I am grateful that I did not lose my temper
• I am grateful that I enjoyed the company of friends today despite the pain
• I am grateful that the train was on time and got me to my destination on time despite the huge crowds

focussing on the good and not lingering in the bad or even feeling like a 'victim'makes such a difference in day to day life. It only takes a few minutes a day, why not give it a try?
 

Find your passion

Passion: Why is that so important to us? Feeling passionate about something makes us feel happy and belong to something.

That is of course important to everybody but I would say even more so for people who are highly sensitive and those with pain problems. Let me list just a few of the adavantages of doing something you feel passionate about.

• It distracts from every day life
• When you do something you really like you feel less pain
• espcially when done together it is good for social interaction and making new friends
• being active makes you feel better about yourself
• Something to look forward to on bad days

 Now how do you find a passion like that?



If you don't have hobbies [or gave them up because they became physically impossible/cost too much energy] make a list of things you would enjoy. For now don't look at the practical side just write it down.

After you have made your list, and take your time in doing so, pick out the things that appeal to you most. We will concentrate on those.

You should now have a peace of paper with a few things on it that appeal to you. Somehow you stopped doing them or never tried them in the first place.

• Look and write down what it would take to do them. 
• Maybe you have to start slower then you did in the past
• with some addaptions you might be able to do it
• ask for help! You will be amazed how many people are willing to help if you just ask them something that is reasonable
• Inform if organisations have something in place to help the disabled
• etc

 I would like to give an example of something that is one of my passions. Going to medieval and fantasy fairs. Last weekend I went to the elf fantasy fair in Arcen.This is a pretty huge gathering that is held twice a year and at first such a crowd doesn't seem the ideal place for somebody is highly senstive and picks up energies of others in a crowd.

This is what I do to make it right for me:

• I make sure that I do not travel on the day of the fair [or if it is close just a small amount of travel]
• If I have to travel under half an hour I will ask friends if we can share a ride as public transport takes a lot of energy
• In case I do get overwhelmed I find a quiet spot to sit for a while and ground myself
• Take plenty of rest breaks sitting down to gather my energy
• Spend the day in good company
• Make sure I eat and drink enough
• Go home when I feel it has been enough

This is just an example. But one I like to use because the atmosphere here is so relaxed. The age range varies from babies to retired people. All kind of costumes. And everybody is accepted for what and who they are. No costume gets laughed at and people of all ages and body types do walk around in costumes. 




So what is your passion? How did you find it and what is so special about it to you?


 
 

Books that inspired me.

Image by Getty Images via @daylife

I add added a new box to the blog and have named it 'books that inspired me' Here I will feature books that have done just that.

Image by .nele via Flickr

Although I love the internet, if I need information I will still turn to books. Be it travel guides, computer manuals or professional literature. I want to have books laying next to me that I can open, make notes in[if they are my own] and just have as many as I like open at the same time.

From a young age I have always read a lot. My mother read me stories and took me to the local library. Many books have inspired me over the years. A lot of these have been novels, but some of them have been professional literature.


One such book is Elaine Aron's 'the highly sensitive person'.  When I picked it up in the local bookstore [boekhandel verkaaik] about ten years I had no idea what the title meant, I had never heard heard the term highly sensitive before but I knew I was sensitive so it seemed an interresting read.


Pretty soon I could not put it down anymore. All those years I had thought I was weird for being affected by sounds, smells and crowds. Now I found out 10% of the world's population was like me! Our brains are wired differently and that is why we pick up things more intensely but we are not weird! It was such an eye-opener and this book prompted me to read more on the subject and to change things in my own life so I began to enjoy being an HSP


It became much easier to pick out others like me, and I sound found out that many of them did not know they were a HSP and they did not talk about it because like me they had thought they are weird. This is one of the reasons that today I love to work with highly sensitive people. To show them that they are not weird and to teach them how to love their gifts instead. To find peace with who they are and enjoy life to the fullest. And this amazing journey began by picking up one book.

on writing an e-book

Image via Wikipedia

I have taken the plunge and have started working on an e-book. Over the years I have taken in so much information on both my specialty subjects Being Highly Sensitive and Living with chronic pain. Through reading online, reading books, talking to others and a lot through experiencing and growing from that experience myself. I feel now it is time to share with others. Some content I will put on my website [or also put on my website] yet there is only so much you can put on there before it becomes too much. And if you are like me you might not like to read from a screen for too long. With an e-book you have everything in one place and you can read it from either your computer screen or an I-pad or e-reader. [I must say I am quickly becoming addicted to my e-reader]

Next came the question what to write about? In my case rather what to write about first. And I have decided the first e-book will be for people with chronic pain. It is a group I feel so passionate about and whom I want to give easier guidelines then I had myself when I was faced with it over 10 years ago. So in the e-book I will cover such topics as:

• When is pain chronic?
• a pain-chart
• Become an expert when it comes to YOU!
• How to be possitive about life
• Setting goals 
• Protect your boundaries
• Good books on pain management 

Any good idea's? Please share them with me.

A very basic free edition should be finished soon, this will give people an idea of what to expect. The full version will take a little longer as I myself am now very capable in staying within my own boundaries and not get carried away with enthusiasm.

Related articles

• Myths About Treating Chronic Pain (webmd.com)
• Is Your Pain Acute or Chronic? (webmd.com)
• Chronic Pain: One of Our Costliest Health Problems (time.com)

Things to come...

Things to come... 

Last week I asked friends what they would like to find on a website if they were looking for a coach/counsellor. I can keep adding what I like, but I would rather that it gives the reader what they are looking for. So keep an eye on my safe haven website as well as this blog for many new additions. To give you an idea of things to come:

• More factual information on what it means to be Highly Sensitive or to live with Chronic pain.
• When is pain chronic?
• Tips on conserving energy
•  Book tips
• Pain diary [track your pain through the day]
• Mood tracker
• online diary

And much much more. If you have ideas of what you would like to see included here, just tell me. Who knows your idea might very well make it to my websites.

Travelling for Highly Sensitives

I am back from my trip to Britain. [more about that in later blogs] First I wanted to tell a little bit about my trip. Going to Britain involved 4 different trains in 4 different countries and one tube ride. To add to the fun the international train I had to take in Rotterdam was so full already that I physically did not fit into anymore with my luggage and I had to wait an hour for the next one. I hit London at the peak of rush hour, which made it a bit of a battle to get the luggage safely up and down the stairs of two tube and one trainstation. Then the last train I had to take was packed with commuters and took twice the time it should for the journey.

Deep breath....

It’s is probably not a wild guess to say that most Highly Sensitive People [HSP's] are not too fond of public transport. This can have many reasons.

Some of us don't like

• The noise around us
• The smells/perfumes around us
• strain our eyes by looking at the fast changing landscape outside
• picking up energies from other people

Or more or all of the above. This can bringe you to the stage that you despair of having to go anywhere by public transport. I am not saying you can reduce all the influences all the time but there are things you can do to protect yourself.




I had prepared for my trip to London. Although I don't like to waste time, I had given myself plenty of time to get to the station. Personally I find that rushing increases my anxiety level.

• So if you can allow for lots of time when you travel and also plan time between change overs in between that way you have less stress before and during travel.

So when I got to Rotterdam and that train was packed, I had the option to wait for an hour for the next one, which would still give me plenty of time to get my connection in Brussels. I spend the time inbetween treating myself to fresh bread from the station shop and buying a magazine I wanted.

• Try to make the best of a bad situation, treat yourself to something nice and try to smile and not beat yourself up or worry.

Once in the train to Brussels, which was on time and had room for me and my suitcase I was smiling because I had made the right decision and I was now so happy that I had waited the extra hour. As the landscape gliding by outside does make me tired I actually prefer a seat on the balcony were I have no view and were I can contentrate on music or reading and also do not have too many people around me.

• If you can find a seat inside that suits your needs. Think of silence areas [we have them on Dutch trains], a balcony which has less sensory input and less people

Travel on the Eurostar went smoothly, as it is allotted seating and not a busy period the train was not overcrowded and the comfortable seats were a treat. I had selected an aisle seat which for me again means less sensory input from the windows and I don't have to ask the person next to me to move when I want to go and get something. It gives me a feeling of freedom.

• With allocated seating in some trains and in planes try to figure out beforehand what kind of seat would suit you and try to reserve it.

I knew beforehand that  I would be hitting London during the evening rush hour so I had prepared myself mentally. And just before pulling into the station I had done one of my mediatation excersises pulling up a wall around me to keep other people's energies from leaking into mine too much. Because of all this the trip through London went like a breeze and before I knew it I was in my next train.

• Prepare yourself beforehand when you will be travelling during peak hours. 

To be honest that last train was the hardest. I was tired from the journey and the train was hot and overcrowded and it went sllloooowwwww. Yes it tried my patience. On the other hand I knew I was nearly there and that made it bearable.


All in all it was a good trip and I enjoyed it. What works for you in public transport? Please share your tips here.