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Back in May I attended a workshop on how to deal with loss. When I just started my training I used to think that loss only meant dealing with the loss of a loved one. But my training showed me how important dealing with loss really is. And this workshop helped to remind me once more.
The workshop was in Dutch given by Riet Fiddelaers who specialises in dealing with loss and grief.If you read Dutch it is well worth it to have a look around her site. There is a section with usefull downloads in Dutch. The thing I came away with most is that loss and grieving are such broad terms and all of us have to deal with it at one time or another. I am not just talking about grieving a loved one. But also for example:
- The loss of health [through accident or illness]
- Loss of status [through losing a job]
- Loss of house [moving or dissasters]
- For children loss of family [through divorce]
And these are only a few examples. People deal with loss in different ways and most of us do not need help in dealing with loss. And yet there are many people who do, who have never learnt to grieve for what they lose. Many were not allowed to do so when they were young. And now in later life they get into emotional trouble because there is no closure. They experience grief in their lives and do not know how to move on.
As I work a lot with people in chronic pain this is an issue that comes up a lot. People try to stay strong and try to forget the bad parts. I applaud looking at life in a positive way. And yet you will often find that acceptance and moving on are made much easier by facing what you have lost. To acknowledge it and work through it until you find closure. It will probably still be there somewhere in your life, but you have given it a place and you are now able to focus on the future.
To end this week something completely unrelated. I have mentioned Tilt magazine before. This issue offers an article I participated in. Read here if you would like to see an example of how I work in text chat.
When reading the latest issue of my favorite online magazine TILT [It's free so check it out!] I came across a very interesting article about the use of gaming within phsychotherapy. When you hear about gamers in the media it is usually negative. many incidents like school shootings are linked to kids playing games and being influenced by them. Games make them loose their grip on reality and so forth. The same with roleplayers, when they are portraid in series or movies it is often to make them look like sad little geeks.
The article mentions the other side of gamers. People who play games online are part of a society, they have friends online that they can turn to in times of need. Those online friends are important to them and the article rightly states that therapists need to know about these online worlds to truely be able to understand their clients.If not they are missing a large chunk out of the life of their clients. I strongly applaud this. Yes I will admit to being a gamer both online and offline and I am a roleplayer.
In part II of this article I will bring evidence of how the playing of games and the friends you make can have a very positive affect on people as well. I have asked gaming friends to share their stories with me. If you are a gamer reading this feel free to contact me as well on info@safehavencoaching.eu.
I think it is high time that this positive side of the gaming community gets more attention.
For now I will share my experience with you. As a teenager I was very insecure and was bullied in school because I was not interested in boys and make-up like the other girls. I was interested in learning, books and fantasy. We did not have computers in those days but when I was in my early twenties I found a roleplaying group in my hometown. For the first time in many years I was able to be myself in a group and find like minded people! 20 years on some of these people are my best friends. This shows that gaming can be a very social thing and also a means to blow off steam for those who do not always feel at home in our modern society. Being able to pretend to be somebody else for a few hours per week can be very refreshing. You might be surprised to find that many roleplayers are highly educated people who hold down good jobs and are perfectly sane.
Through sharing my own story I have hope to show that gaming is social, alleviates stress and helps you make friends. What is not to like?
I have talked about TILT magazine before and as I have now finished reading the magazine I would like to say some more. It is pretty exciting as this is one of the first magazines focussing completely on online work.
I am going to focus on the articles that struck me the most.
What would you do?
This invites the reader to participate by posting their reply to a dilemma. This one is pretty close to my own heart. What would you do when others tag you in photos on the internet that you rather not be tagged in. you can post your reply on the forum. You can be so carefull about your own internet security making everything friends only but you don't always have control over what others write about you. Or post photo's of you.
Want to know what is in the top 10 hits when you type your name? Try this Dutch site. WieDanOok The text is in Dutch but it is pretty simple. Time your first and last name in the search box and see what comes up. you might be surprised.
Alice in virtualland
An article about the journey that a therapist and a client, Alice, make together. The client is already welversed in how new media work, she spends a lot of time on the internet and has a virtual life in Second Life. For this she has created an avatar a 11 year old girl. The therapist, Lucy has a lot of experience and is totally confident at the beginning of therapy. But because she is a novice when it comes to computers, she totally misses the point of Alice's troubles. And only after many a session do they both realise this. At this point Lucy's journey of learning about new technology begins.
I think this raises a very important issue. Therapists working today, are going to get more and more clients, especially younger ones, for whom an important part of their lives take place online. Facebook, twitter, second life and words like avatar, tweet are normal to them. If we want to be able to relate we can't but help get familiar in this new world as well.
There are many more interresting articles, tips, reviews etc in the magazine, but I suggest you read them yourself.
The magazine is free and you can download it to your computer or your ereader like I did.
If you want to read the magazine for yourself you can download it here.
Image via Wikipedia
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