how much to share with clients?

 Irvin Yalom's books inspired me long before I became a counsellor. I think I picked up the first book I read by him during the mid nineties. And since then I have read most of his books. 


One that really struck a cord was "The gift of therapy" which I have reread a couple of times since buying it several years ago. In this book Yalom shares some of his wisdom with therapists who are just starting out.


The great thing about this book is that it shows the therapist as a human being with faults and worries of his own. I like how he writes about himself and dares to be vulnerable. 

There is always the debate of how much therapists should share with clients. Should they share if there is something going on in their life? Should they tell a client if they have been through something similar as the client is facing right now? That is an ever ongoing debate. As I work with client groups who are going through the same thing I have gone through [being highly sensitive & living with chronic pain] I do share when it comes to those areas. Also because it is relevant to therapy. But there is a fine line between not sharing enough and sharing too much about your private life and one that we always have to keep in mind.


And yet I am an admirer of the kinds of books written by therapist who do share some of their lives with us. Another great favoriet of mine is "The unquiet mind" written by Kay Redfield Jamison in which a psychiatrist openly talks about her own struggle with being manic depressive. 


I think that if a therapist is at ease with what has happened in his or her life and worked through it and found balance it can often be a great bonus when this is used in therapy. As long as she is always critical of why she is sharing certain info with clients and to make sure that is has value.

enJOY

I am now in week two of the practice building conference 2011. And it is bringing me so much. Wonderful presentations and networking with other counsellors. One thing is clear, we are all out there to do the best job we can online in helping people and doing that in an ethical way. That is what brought me the most joy during the first week.

That is what stayed with me from one of the talks last week. Enjoying and looking at the bright side of life is not always easy for those in constant pain or those highly sensitive people out there who are always bombarded with new information. And yet it is the essense of life! Look at what works in your life not at what doesn't work. I know this is not always easy an I am not saying that I succeed every day. I will say that it has enriched my life and makes me feel much more content even on the bad days.

This always makes me feel joy

The presentation mentioned a very easy and fast excersise to keep you focussed on the joy.
At the end of the day just sit and write down 5 things that you have been grateful for that day. Those can be simple thoughts or much deeper thoughts

• I am grateful the sun is shining
• I am grateful that I did not lose my temper
• I am grateful that I enjoyed the company of friends today despite the pain
• I am grateful that the train was on time and got me to my destination on time despite the huge crowds

focussing on the good and not lingering in the bad or even feeling like a 'victim'makes such a difference in day to day life. It only takes a few minutes a day, why not give it a try?
 

Find your passion

Passion: Why is that so important to us? Feeling passionate about something makes us feel happy and belong to something.

That is of course important to everybody but I would say even more so for people who are highly sensitive and those with pain problems. Let me list just a few of the adavantages of doing something you feel passionate about.

• It distracts from every day life
• When you do something you really like you feel less pain
• espcially when done together it is good for social interaction and making new friends
• being active makes you feel better about yourself
• Something to look forward to on bad days

 Now how do you find a passion like that?



If you don't have hobbies [or gave them up because they became physically impossible/cost too much energy] make a list of things you would enjoy. For now don't look at the practical side just write it down.

After you have made your list, and take your time in doing so, pick out the things that appeal to you most. We will concentrate on those.

You should now have a peace of paper with a few things on it that appeal to you. Somehow you stopped doing them or never tried them in the first place.

• Look and write down what it would take to do them. 
• Maybe you have to start slower then you did in the past
• with some addaptions you might be able to do it
• ask for help! You will be amazed how many people are willing to help if you just ask them something that is reasonable
• Inform if organisations have something in place to help the disabled
• etc

 I would like to give an example of something that is one of my passions. Going to medieval and fantasy fairs. Last weekend I went to the elf fantasy fair in Arcen.This is a pretty huge gathering that is held twice a year and at first such a crowd doesn't seem the ideal place for somebody is highly senstive and picks up energies of others in a crowd.

This is what I do to make it right for me:

• I make sure that I do not travel on the day of the fair [or if it is close just a small amount of travel]
• If I have to travel under half an hour I will ask friends if we can share a ride as public transport takes a lot of energy
• In case I do get overwhelmed I find a quiet spot to sit for a while and ground myself
• Take plenty of rest breaks sitting down to gather my energy
• Spend the day in good company
• Make sure I eat and drink enough
• Go home when I feel it has been enough

This is just an example. But one I like to use because the atmosphere here is so relaxed. The age range varies from babies to retired people. All kind of costumes. And everybody is accepted for what and who they are. No costume gets laughed at and people of all ages and body types do walk around in costumes. 




So what is your passion? How did you find it and what is so special about it to you?


 
 

6 pitfalls for Highly Sensitive People coming to the Netherlands

At the moment I am researching and writing an information packet on what it means to live as a foreigner in the Netherlands. While I am doing this research it dawns on me that there are several factors in my country that don't make it the easiest country to live in for Highly Sensitive People. Don't get me wrong, I love living here and there are also many good things about my country. Here I just want to point out some pitfalls for foreigners and indeed native Highly sensitive persons.

Image via Wikipedia

amount of land that would
be underwater without the dykes

Image by FaceMePLS via Flickr

bicycles should move as many as possible







1. The sheer number of people living here close together. There are more than 16 million people living together on a piece of land the size of the state of Maryland in the US. Drive 3 hours in any direction and you are in Belgium, Germany or the North Sea. And of this almost 20% is water. This means that you will often be surrounded by other people. Finding a piece of land that is truly silent and peaceful can be a bit of a challenge. So don't be too shocked by it and set out to find your haven right away. It can be done!
2. The Dutch Bureaucracy. We have a name for being pretty easy going and the country where everything is possilbe. Drugs, prostitution, euthenasia to name a few. But don't be fooled. If you want to get something done, prepare to have a lot of time and do not get irritated quickly. Stay patient and polite. For example the Dutch rijksmusuem was supposed to close 2 years for restauration. That was 5 years ago and it is still closed. Everybody wanted to have their say about it, we love commitees of any kinds. And of course cyclists protested when the plans included them being unable to drive underneath the building any more.
3. Cyclists bring me to another problem. With 16 million people and at least 1 car in every household you need a lot of patience on the roads. Be warned that cyclists are everwhere in the cities and the rules of the road do not apply to them. They will ingnore traffic lights, ignore right of way. What makes it really bad? The law is on their side, if you hit a cyclist in any way even when having right of way and a green light you are almost always the guilty party. So make sure you develop a 6th sense when it comes to cyclists and err on the side of caution. 
4. If you think public transport is the solution, think again... especially when it comes to rush hour. Dutch trains and busses tend to be overcrowded. When a train comes into the station staid businessmen will turn into warriors and little old ladies will use their walkingsticks to beat a path to the entrance. For any age it means anything is allowed to get in first. If people wanting to get out of the train first are in the way just push them back and out of your way.




5. Yes the Dutch are rude. Even to Highly Senstive People living here they appear very rude. We don't like hieranchy very much, so don't be surprised when even bosses have to be very polite to ask employees to do something for them. We don't know how to queu, will not stay on the right side on an escalator, staff in restaurants and shops will often treat you rude and doctors have no bedside manner. Be prepared for it in advance.

And yet I love this little very full country. We are also a nation who love their languages, were one of the first nations to have freedom of religion.


If you have other examples of Dutch quirkiness feel free to comment.

Related articles

• Guest post: the Dutch cyclist (cyclinglondononline.wordpress.com)
• Holland v. the Netherlands (whatthedutch.wordpress.com)
• Where To Look For Cultural Differences In Europe (searchengineland.com)