Dealing with December

It's time to follow my own advice.As an online therapist I should practice as I preach. So I want to announce that his is probably the last blog for this year. It is not that I have run out of ideas for the blog, far from it. But I am swamped in work. First there is coursework I need to finish and I am on a deadline there. [I love studying and I am always finding courses to further my professional education or I even study for fun!] This being december which comes with a lot of social demands as well it was time for action. 

It manifested about a week ago, this feeling of panic, oh dear, how am I going to get everything finished, get all the presents bought, wrapped and in some cases shipping off. But up the christmas decorations, write the christmascards and... and... This weekend I said enough! This way I am not going to make it through December. I sat down and made a list of all the tings that really needed to be done, and a list of matters that could be dropped or postponed for a while. Crossing thigns off the list made me immediatly feel better. on some of the unavoidable tasks I was able to get some help so I don't have to do it alone. 
TIP: Ask familymembers and friends for help, they can't always see that you need it.
So now I have made a scedule for the rest of December that looks doable, and that will even give me a week off between Christmas and New Year's. This monday the world looks a lot brighter again. And you will be hearing from me again in the new year. That is a promise.



Take a look at your own scedules and see what you can drop or ask help with. 

Written by Mieke Haveman, online counsellor and member of the online therapy institute.

Winter!

I had other plans for this week's post but I do feel like blogging about what is in most people's mind here in Northern Europe. Days are getting very short indeed and on top of that winter is starting so much earlier than most of us are comfortable with.

view from my practice window

It brings me to the question of how you deal with winter? Does the lack of light affect you? Are you less mobile because of the snow? What have you got in place to make it through and even enjoy winter?

last year the winter surprised me and by the time I got round to buying snowboots they had all sold out. This year I was wiser and bought a pair in October and I actually look forward to going out in them, to walk in the snow and keep a grip and warm feet!I have also learnt not to plan too much out of town, rail and busses get very unpredictable. Also I make sure I have enough food in the house to last me several days and I know were I can get food delivered if push comes to shove. Not cheap but better safe... If I do have to go somewhere I do so in a safe way [no biking or car] and give myself plenty of time. If it is not safe to travel I cancel. Yes I know this is easy to say when you work from home.

On the shortening of the days, if this is a problem for you. It is for many people, think about investing in a daylight lamp. It can do wonders for people with seasonal depressions. If your muscles are the problem infrared light lamps can do wonders, I love the one I bought 2 years ago and I use it a lot right now combined with gell packs and long hot showers. This way for me the winter is managable and I can enjoy sitting next to the heater and look at the beautifull landscape outside of my window.

What do you do to get through winter? Please share your ideas. 

The power of online work

You might think that working online is limited to writing and therefor not for you, or totally boring. That is why I wanted to talk about the many other facets of online work.

Sure if you chose online therapy a lot of that is going to involve writing, either in emails or chat. But there is so much more.

Next to your e-mail you could include drawings you have made on your computer or drawing you have made on paper and you have made a photograph of. Creative therapy can be enormously helpfull during counselling if that is something that appeals to you.

The same with music, if music is important to you, you can listen to your favorite songs and themes while you do your online work. You can send links of that music to your counsellor so they know what you are talking about.

As technology moves so fast I am sure that within a few years there will be so many more options. Something I am watching closely at the moment is Second Life and avatar therapy. Imagine being able to create how you want to look and be able to create whatever you want in a virtual surrounding, it has so much potential for counselling. And it is exciting to watch the new technologies, to learn about them. So you can count on it that I will tell you about what I find out on this blog.

Travelling for Highly Sensitives

I am back from my trip to Britain. [more about that in later blogs] First I wanted to tell a little bit about my trip. Going to Britain involved 4 different trains in 4 different countries and one tube ride. To add to the fun the international train I had to take in Rotterdam was so full already that I physically did not fit into anymore with my luggage and I had to wait an hour for the next one. I hit London at the peak of rush hour, which made it a bit of a battle to get the luggage safely up and down the stairs of two tube and one trainstation. Then the last train I had to take was packed with commuters and took twice the time it should for the journey.

Deep breath....

It’s is probably not a wild guess to say that most Highly Sensitive People [HSP's] are not too fond of public transport. This can have many reasons.

Some of us don't like

• The noise around us
• The smells/perfumes around us
• strain our eyes by looking at the fast changing landscape outside
• picking up energies from other people

Or more or all of the above. This can bringe you to the stage that you despair of having to go anywhere by public transport. I am not saying you can reduce all the influences all the time but there are things you can do to protect yourself.




I had prepared for my trip to London. Although I don't like to waste time, I had given myself plenty of time to get to the station. Personally I find that rushing increases my anxiety level.

• So if you can allow for lots of time when you travel and also plan time between change overs in between that way you have less stress before and during travel.

So when I got to Rotterdam and that train was packed, I had the option to wait for an hour for the next one, which would still give me plenty of time to get my connection in Brussels. I spend the time inbetween treating myself to fresh bread from the station shop and buying a magazine I wanted.

• Try to make the best of a bad situation, treat yourself to something nice and try to smile and not beat yourself up or worry.

Once in the train to Brussels, which was on time and had room for me and my suitcase I was smiling because I had made the right decision and I was now so happy that I had waited the extra hour. As the landscape gliding by outside does make me tired I actually prefer a seat on the balcony were I have no view and were I can contentrate on music or reading and also do not have too many people around me.

• If you can find a seat inside that suits your needs. Think of silence areas [we have them on Dutch trains], a balcony which has less sensory input and less people

Travel on the Eurostar went smoothly, as it is allotted seating and not a busy period the train was not overcrowded and the comfortable seats were a treat. I had selected an aisle seat which for me again means less sensory input from the windows and I don't have to ask the person next to me to move when I want to go and get something. It gives me a feeling of freedom.

• With allocated seating in some trains and in planes try to figure out beforehand what kind of seat would suit you and try to reserve it.

I knew beforehand that  I would be hitting London during the evening rush hour so I had prepared myself mentally. And just before pulling into the station I had done one of my mediatation excersises pulling up a wall around me to keep other people's energies from leaking into mine too much. Because of all this the trip through London went like a breeze and before I knew it I was in my next train.

• Prepare yourself beforehand when you will be travelling during peak hours. 

To be honest that last train was the hardest. I was tired from the journey and the train was hot and overcrowded and it went sllloooowwwww. Yes it tried my patience. On the other hand I knew I was nearly there and that made it bearable.


All in all it was a good trip and I enjoyed it. What works for you in public transport? Please share your tips here.

Off to recharge the bateries

This is a short post to let everyone know that I am in the process of recharging the batteries. With the winter almost upon us it is importand to take care of our wellbeing. With that in mind I have taken the oppertunity to travel to Britain for a few days.

Do you have special places were you feel at home? A place were it is almost impossible not to be happy? I hope you do. Britain is one of those places for me. There is something about the countryside and the cottages that just make me happy. Even the big cities put a smile n my face.

 So next week there will be no blog as I am on my travels. When I get back I am sure I have many things to share. Take care all, and make sure you recharge your batteries before winter.

The season is changing

I guess for most people reading this, it is the time of year were summer if finally definately over and winter is not too far off. For a lot of people it is a hard time of the year to deal with. They find it dificult that the days are getting shorter and colder. Therefore it is no big surprise that a lot of seasonal depression start in the autumn when the leaves begin to fall.

What can you do to defend yourself against these feelings? Especially for those with chronic complaints the long winter can seem daunting yet there are things you can do to protect yourself as much as you can.

• Eat healthy foods

• Take supplements when needed

• Warm clothes [if muscles are your weak point, keep them warm]

• Use hot water bottles or gelpacks to make sure you bed is nice and warm when you step in.

• If the loss of light hits you hard use daylight therapy to make up for it.

• Pamper yourself by taking long baths or showers or get a massage

Allow yourself to set a slower pace. Accept that winter is tougher than summer and don't be angry if you can do less. Focus on what you still can do and enjoy that to the fullest.

If after all your precautions the sniffels and the coughs do get you, remember you did the best you could. Now allow yourself a few days to let your body heal.  Have plenty of tissues on hand, nice big mugs of hot tea and other treats and make the best of it. Watch that nice movie you did not have time to before, read a book and if you can't concentrate too long, listen to your favorite music and recharge.


And remember every day spring is a day closer! And yes there is much in winter to enjoy as well if you open your mind to it.

How do you recharge your batteries?

In our society everything has to move fast. Often we juggle work, private life, family, kids and study all together and most of us wish there were more hours in the day. While we are so busy running it is easy to forget that our body and spirit also needs to rest and relax. If we don’t we will get signals that more rest is needed. Your body is very good at letting you know that it cannot cope any longer. At first it will be gentle small signals but if you refuse to listen those signals will become less and less subtle until either your body or your mind will call it a halt. This can result in burn out or RSI [repetitive strain injury] like complaints that can linger for long times.

So what do you do when your body tells you to take a break. I can tell you what works for me. Next to a hot shower, a good book or a good movie, for me a change of location helps. To just be able to leave home and work behind and just take those books and movies that help you relax and to go out into nature. The beach is one of my favorites, nothing beats being on the beach when a storm is blowing and you watch the strength of nature in the waves. This time of year, fall, a forest is also very favorite. The turning of the leaves makes nature stand out in splendor. Or to find a spiritual place on earth. For me that is Glastonbury in England, but you don’t have to be spiritual to have that special place somewhere where you feel good and that allows you to recharge the batteries.

 

Feel free to share here what you do to relax and recharge.

knowledge is power

I believe information is very important not only to a counsellor. I think when you have a business and you work with clients it is your duty to always keep looking for information and be the best you can be. That is why I love to attend seminars and such online to further my knowledge. Next of course to my addiction to books. I am always reading up on new matters and subjects that I want to learn more about.

Yesterday I attended the Open Office Hours of the Online Therapy Institute. If you are a fellow therapist reading this and you want to know more about working online, have a look at the website, it is full of very useful information. And there is a forum you can join and chat with other therapists. And try to attend one of the coming open hours. Every other month they are held in Second Life. Yesterday was in Second Life and that also gave me the opportunity to learn more about that medium. [Yes I am reading a book about Second Life right now as well]

For me it was very interesting to talk about marketing ideas and brainstorm about my personal dream of there being a global insurance company in the future so that therapists can work with clients from all over the world easier. A big thank you to Kate and DeeAnna for sharing your time for free.

Speech recognition

One of the challenges of a physical disabilies is finding a way around them, so you can continue to enjoy life to the fullest. It is one of my 'jobs' as a counsellor for people to terms with chronic pain. It is a road I have travelled myself, so I understand the frustrations and the anger and yes, also the despair. We all have days were you think it is never going to get better. Those are the days it helps to talk to a friend or a counsellor and that different perspective can give you ideas to go on and to see the fun again.

What changed my life and made studying and later work possible again is a program called Dragon Naturally Speaking. My problem was that suddenly writing and typing were much more difficult. And writing had always been the way I expressed myself. I certainly was not about to give that up, so thanks to the internet I started to look for ways around my problem. Soon I found a program called Dragon Naturally Speaking, and it became my lifeline. Through the years I have gone through a couple of versions, every version more accurate were I can just talk to my computer in both Dutch and English and the program translates my words to text with little or no mistakes. These days I can type again on most days, but it is such a comfort to know that my program is there on the computer for the hard days.


That is what is all about, finding the little things that make life easier, knowing the support is there, knowing your limits and within those limits: ENJOY!

diary & journal

One of the things I like to work with online is diaries or journals. I use them both professionally and personally. Since online counselling works with the written word anyway, this age old technique is easilly adapted. 

You can chose a form and medium that fits you:

• a plain piece of paper
• a nice album
• a blog online
• a word document on your computer

But that is only the start. If you think a written document is always boring and just ink or computer letters, think again! This form of writing can also appeal to people who like to paint or even scrapbook. Like I am doing here with images, you can use any form creativity to make your document look nice.
On the computer you can further work with colors, and drawing, you can photoshop your photo's.
On paper the world is your oyster. Draw, paint, do whatever you like to make your document look the way you want it, and feel like it is yours.

How does this tie in with therapy you might ask? It helps you to find who you really are. For some people this is achieved by writing, this can be free writing, or from suggestions of your therapist. You will be amazed how much surfaces when you set pen to paper. The same way with drawing. A therapist might ask you to draw your perfect house, or draw a picture of how you see yourself and than see what happens. Don't worry you don't have to be an artist to achieve this. What is important is that it is coming from your soul.

Curious? On the left you can see one of the books I love to perruse and work with. The auther is Capacchione and the title the creative journal.

Why not give it a try? And if you would like more guidance you can always contact me.
 

2nd Virtual Conference on Counseling

One of the great things of the internet, you can attend a conference without leaving your own home. Last week there was a virtual conference taking place in second life, organised by counselor education in second life. I had been in there once before, but to say that I know a lot about it would be an overstatement. That is why I took some time during the days before to make a new avatar and to make sure that I at least had the skills to make her sit down. But in case I totally sucked I had the backup of onlineventswho were going to show the whole conference few of charge. The great thing was also that their chatroom was integrated into the chatroom of the conference.

Let me give an overview of some of the lectures I attended, it will give you a bit of an idea of what was discussed.

Wednesday:
I attended the opening session and I must say I was very busy watching what other avatars looked like etc and amazed at the technology of second life.

Keynote session: sexualized Role Play in Second Lie and Beyond. 
I was a bit surprised that the conference opened with a discussion on a topic like this. But soon I was watching and found myself imagining the benefits this might have for counsellors working with sexual issues in clients. So much is possible in SL. You can make your avatar very life like. :) And to use this in issues, make it vivid so to speak, yes I can see the benefits in that.

Counseling in Genderland
As this is still a controversial topic, I was very interrested to hear this lecture. I have not worked with Transgendered clients myself, but I firmly believe that there are people who were born in the 'wrong' body. And that they are entitled to care and the possibility to change bodies. SL can help in this process. Before trying to live as the other gender in real life, they could safely practice the other gender role in SL and get a feel for it already.

Demonstrating Cyberculture through Film: Life 2.0. 
We started with watching the trailer for this movie. It does show some of the drawbacks of SL. The people who get into it too much and forget their first life. How healthy is it to be in SL more than 18 hours a day? Is it adultery to have a cyber affair on SL? all interresting questions for a counsellor. The cases of internet addictions will only grow in the future and how many of us are prepared for that? Do we run the risk of addiction ourselves when we work on the computer and also do our research there? How would you help couples with relationship issues if you don't know about cyberculture? So much to think about.

On thursday morning there would be a tai-chi session, I was interresting to watch that, as I did not think my avatar could manage it. But I could not find the location. Instead I did find the meditation area and tried a little bit of that.


Competencies in Addressing the Christian Client's Worldview.
This morning there were some technological problems. It wasn't until halfway through the lecturetime that the sound came back. That shows that even with many experts in one room, technology can still let us down. That is why it is important to have backups when working online with clients. Make sure there is an emergency telephone number you can reach each other on, so one of you is not left hanging and waiting what is going on.
The lecture had to be cut very short and it lost some because of that.

CACREP goes international with IRCEP: the international registry of counselor education programs. 
Very interresting to hear that there is now some movement to come to international counselling standarts. IRCEP will try to do that and counselling institutions from all over the world can apply. Right now there is such a difference between counselling education all over the world, in some countries it means a masters degree, in other countries you can call yourself a counsellor without any training again. Which makes it important for the client to check a counsellor's education before starting work with them.

So the conference gave me a lot to think about. I like the medium that Second Life is. I can see a lot of possibilities to use it in counselling. But before I could ever contemplate that I would have to get a lot more familiar with it. And find out how secure it is. Can it be encrypted so the client's anonymity can be guaranteed.


I would love to get feedback about what other people think about SL and counselling.

 



 

Training, training, training

Counselling & Coaching are both professions where you are never finished with your studying. Sure you have your degree and your work but the world around us changes. New methods are found and tested and to be honest most of us are just plain curious. I definately fall into that category. Since finishing college and starting work I have always done some studying on the side. Sometimes for work and sometimes just *gasp* for fun. Right now all my studying and reading is geared towards online working. I will read about social media, networking, marketing but also about how to work effectively online. This week there is a conference in and about second life I am thinking about attending. I very much see the advantages of working in second life and making an avatar that expresses who you are inside. My only problem... second life is still one of my challenges online. I have been able to finally dress my avatar but adding hair is still beyond me. So the next few days I am going to give it one more try to teach myself new skills. And hopefully I will feel confident to attend.

Review TILT magazine

I have talked about TILT magazine before and as I have now finished reading the magazine I would like to say some more. It is pretty exciting as this is one of the first magazines focussing completely on online work. 




I am going to focus on the articles that struck me the most.

What would you do?

This invites the reader to participate by posting their reply to a dilemma. This one is pretty close to my own heart. What would you do when others tag you in photos on the internet that you rather not be tagged in. you can post your reply on the forum. You can be so carefull about your own internet security making everything friends only but you don't always have control over what others write about you. Or post photo's of you.


Want to know what is in the top 10 hits when you type your name? Try this Dutch site. WieDanOok The text is in Dutch but it is pretty simple. Time your first and last name in the search box and see what comes up. you might be surprised.

Alice in virtualland

An article about the journey that a therapist and a client, Alice, make together. The client is already welversed in how new media work, she spends a lot of time on the internet and has a virtual life in Second Life. For this she has created an avatar a 11 year old girl.  The therapist, Lucy has a lot of experience and is totally confident at the beginning of therapy. But because she is a novice when it comes to computers, she totally misses the point of Alice's troubles. And only after many a session do they both realise this. At this point Lucy's journey of learning about new technology begins.


I think this raises a very important issue. Therapists working today, are going to get more and more clients, especially younger ones, for whom an important part of their lives take place online. Facebook, twitter, second life and words like avatar, tweet are normal to them. If we want to be able to relate we can't but help get familiar in this new world as well.


There are many more interresting articles, tips, reviews etc in the magazine, but I suggest you read them yourself.



The magazine is free and you can download it to your computer or your ereader like I did.


If you want to read the magazine for yourself you can download it here. 

Social networking and therapy

I grew up in such a different world. When I was a teenager there were no computers. [And I am not even ancient] No mp3 players, DVD players or mobile phones. We were lucky to have kids programs on one of the two tv channels on wednesday afternoon for three straight hours. 

Boy what a different world it is today. Most kids have their own computer next to their other electronic toys. And for a lot of adults teenage conversations are hard to follow. Think about text message language that is finding it's way to being used on the computer as well. For therapists it poses more problems. When you start to work online, you have to think carefully about how you want to present yourself online. What do you want clients to be able to find about you? And are you going to try to find out about clients? And what about the past? The things that are already online?

Try to google your name for example and to many people it comes as a shock what is out there. Comments you made on your favorite rockband's homepage, a comment in a digital guestbook of a museum you visited 10 years ago. Those are pretty innocent, but what about those pictures of a roudy party your friend has but on facebook because they think it was funny and they were friendly enough to tag you in it and make it public to the whole world. However carefull you are yourself with 'only friends' settings, those are things you just cannot control.

What you can control is what you put online yourself from this moment and your own policy. For me this means that I will not add clients online for my private facebook and hyves pages. And I put all my settings on friends online. It is not that I don't like my clients, but I want to keep my private life and my professional life seperate. Also I am bound by my ethical code to do so. I make this very clear on my professional website. Clients are more than welcome to follow me on my professional sites, like this blog, and my professional facebook, hyves  or twitter page.Likewise I state that I will not google my clients names or look for them on social media. These things are not law yet and maybe never will. But I think it makes life a whole lot easier and friendlier if we all stick to basics like these.

TILT magazine

If you would like to find out more about online counselling, since this month there is a new magazine available. And of course it is online. It is in English and will be published bi-monthly. The world of online counselling is growing daily, and more and more people are finding out how it suits their needs to be able to go online for their counselling needs. No travel, you can reply when it suits you and it is often cheaper than f2f counselling. Also more and more counsellors are getting especially qualified to be online counsellors. One of these is Online training for counsellors. They also have a register where you can check out the counsellors who qualified through them.

Welcome

Welcome to the first blogpost on the new blogsite. Please feel free to come by often as I do plan to keep this blog stocked with useful information for you.

Welkom op deze eerste blogpost van mijn nieuwe website. Ik hoop dat ik je hier veel vaker mag begroeten omdat ik van plan ben deze site vaak te updaten met handige informatie die voor jou van belang kan zijn.

Are you curious to what Safe Haven Coaching can mean for you? Please have a look at the official websitehttp://www.safehavencoaching.eu/. You will find that it is a bilingual site.

Ben je benieuwd wat Safe Haven Coaching voor jou kan betekenen? Neem dan een kijkje op de officiële website. Deze website is twee-talig.

 
Feel free to ask me for more information: info@safehavencoaching.eu

Vraag gerust om wat meer informatie: info@safehavencoaching.eu