The new website

I am still working on the new webpage and right now that takes up a lot of my time. Sorry but I am not ready to share it with you just yet, but on the left you will get a sneak peak on how it will turn out. Over the next couple of days [and weeks] I will be adding content to it. It is my intent to have a lot of resources there for highly sensitive people and those learning to adjust with chronic pain. [If there is something you would like me to include please send me a message or a comment here. 
good ideas are always welcome.] So my blog posts the coming weeks might be a little short. I promise that I will make up for that when the new site is up and running.

Find your passion

Passion: Why is that so important to us? Feeling passionate about something makes us feel happy and belong to something.

That is of course important to everybody but I would say even more so for people who are highly sensitive and those with pain problems. Let me list just a few of the adavantages of doing something you feel passionate about.

• It distracts from every day life
• When you do something you really like you feel less pain
• espcially when done together it is good for social interaction and making new friends
• being active makes you feel better about yourself
• Something to look forward to on bad days

 Now how do you find a passion like that?



If you don't have hobbies [or gave them up because they became physically impossible/cost too much energy] make a list of things you would enjoy. For now don't look at the practical side just write it down.

After you have made your list, and take your time in doing so, pick out the things that appeal to you most. We will concentrate on those.

You should now have a peace of paper with a few things on it that appeal to you. Somehow you stopped doing them or never tried them in the first place.

• Look and write down what it would take to do them. 
• Maybe you have to start slower then you did in the past
• with some addaptions you might be able to do it
• ask for help! You will be amazed how many people are willing to help if you just ask them something that is reasonable
• Inform if organisations have something in place to help the disabled
• etc

 I would like to give an example of something that is one of my passions. Going to medieval and fantasy fairs. Last weekend I went to the elf fantasy fair in Arcen.This is a pretty huge gathering that is held twice a year and at first such a crowd doesn't seem the ideal place for somebody is highly senstive and picks up energies of others in a crowd.

This is what I do to make it right for me:

• I make sure that I do not travel on the day of the fair [or if it is close just a small amount of travel]
• If I have to travel under half an hour I will ask friends if we can share a ride as public transport takes a lot of energy
• In case I do get overwhelmed I find a quiet spot to sit for a while and ground myself
• Take plenty of rest breaks sitting down to gather my energy
• Spend the day in good company
• Make sure I eat and drink enough
• Go home when I feel it has been enough

This is just an example. But one I like to use because the atmosphere here is so relaxed. The age range varies from babies to retired people. All kind of costumes. And everybody is accepted for what and who they are. No costume gets laughed at and people of all ages and body types do walk around in costumes. 




So what is your passion? How did you find it and what is so special about it to you?


 
 

The only child - Blessing or curse

Today I would like to share some thoughts about only children. 
If I ask others to name me one thing that springs to mind when I mention only children they often say one thing: spoiled. But is this true?


There are several advantages of growing up as the only child:

• You get all the attention of your parents
• You do not have to share with siblings
• Space, your own room, maybe even more than one room

Powerfull advantages all of them. Having your parent's full attention means that you are used to being the centre of attention. On holiday you get to pick the zoo's and amusement parcs and the rides the family will go on. Your room is your kingdom, you are often used to having privacy there. And all the presents are for you!

But there is a serious downside to all this fun as well.

• You do not learn how to share
• At a later age you could end up with a lot of responsibility
• You have never learnt to fight with siblings

Let me explain those downsides a bit more. Only children generally do not like sharing. It does not mean they are always selfish. They are just not used to it, what is theirs is theirs. I have heard only children say that they would rather buy sweets for friends so they can also have their own stash than to share what is theirs.

When their parents grow older it means that only children often shoulder that responsibility on their own as well. There are no siblings to share the burden with. 


Some of the reasons for only children to end up in therapy are the following.
They can have serious problems in relationships, because they are so used to being on their own and not sharing with others. As a therapist it is very useful to know how many children there were in the family growing up.


Another problem only children are more prone to is being the subject of bullying. Growing up without siblings they have not learnt to fight and make up at a young age. They can be flaggergasted at being picked at at school, with no idea how to make it stop. 


These are just a few aspects of being an only child. If you would like to read more about only children I can recommend the following:


- The only child - how to survive being one - by Jill Pitkeathley and David Emerson.

Please feel free to share your views and maybe your experience of growing up as an only child.

Books that inspired me.

Image by Getty Images via @daylife

I add added a new box to the blog and have named it 'books that inspired me' Here I will feature books that have done just that.

Image by .nele via Flickr

Although I love the internet, if I need information I will still turn to books. Be it travel guides, computer manuals or professional literature. I want to have books laying next to me that I can open, make notes in[if they are my own] and just have as many as I like open at the same time.

From a young age I have always read a lot. My mother read me stories and took me to the local library. Many books have inspired me over the years. A lot of these have been novels, but some of them have been professional literature.


One such book is Elaine Aron's 'the highly sensitive person'.  When I picked it up in the local bookstore [boekhandel verkaaik] about ten years I had no idea what the title meant, I had never heard heard the term highly sensitive before but I knew I was sensitive so it seemed an interresting read.


Pretty soon I could not put it down anymore. All those years I had thought I was weird for being affected by sounds, smells and crowds. Now I found out 10% of the world's population was like me! Our brains are wired differently and that is why we pick up things more intensely but we are not weird! It was such an eye-opener and this book prompted me to read more on the subject and to change things in my own life so I began to enjoy being an HSP


It became much easier to pick out others like me, and I sound found out that many of them did not know they were a HSP and they did not talk about it because like me they had thought they are weird. This is one of the reasons that today I love to work with highly sensitive people. To show them that they are not weird and to teach them how to love their gifts instead. To find peace with who they are and enjoy life to the fullest. And this amazing journey began by picking up one book.