budget tips

I read an article in the local newspaper [Gouda] this morning that prompted this blog post.

I think money is a significant topic for people with chronic pain. They are sometimes hampered by not being able to work full time or not be able to work at all. So some of you are going to run into the problem of having to cut the expenses.

Debt? Doesn’t it frighten us all, to not have enough money to make it to the end of the month? More and more people get into trouble because of the current economic situation. But is that all?

I think not. Whole generations grew up in a land of plenty. For almost twenty years you could switch jobs when it suited you and employers wanted to have you. During this time the world we lived in changed drastically as well. Older generations were happy with so much less. They had a tv, a landline phone and a car, that was pretty much it. Nowadays we want and expect so much more from life. At least one computer in the house, a mobile phone for every family member[smartphone of course] I-pods, e-readers the list goes on.

At the same time many of us were not taught to really handle money well. Another difference with olden days is that we all have bank passes and credit cards. Isn’t it easy to spend that money and completely forgot we did so, only to come in for a nasty shock at the end of the month.  How many people would know what they spend each month if you ask them on the street?

There are a few key points to sticking to a budget:

• ·         Know how much you have coming in each month

• ·         Calculate how much you need to spend each month on essentials, so you know how much you have left over to indulge yourself with or maybe put it away for emergencies

• ·         Keep a record on everything you spend.

• ·         Try to use cash and not your cards when you spend money. For example give yourself a weekly budget, if the cash is gone, you know you need to stop.

• ·         Do not go over the limit on your bank cards or credit cards. Being overdrawn on those cards is one of the most expensive things there is.

• ·         Do not buy anything on a credit card if you know you will not be able to pay for it.

Another tip:

Every year at the end of the year I print out my bank statements of the previous year and go through them item for item. You would be amazed how many things creep up that you don’t really use or are not interested in any more.

I then spend some time cancelling my subscriptions to all such items earning myself a little more pocket cash each year.

Emotional shopping:

This is where it gets really hard. Some people react to hard times by rewarding themselves with goods or food. This helps for a short while but in the end it only makes matters worse when they realise how much they have spend. Money they did not have in the first place.

So helping people stick to a budget should involve more than just learning how to handle the figures. It should also involve looking at the reasons behind the spending. Helping them find healthier methods of coping with hard times besides spending the money.

 If you have any other tips on how to save money, please share them by leaving comments. I love to hear back from you.

how much to share with clients?

 Irvin Yalom's books inspired me long before I became a counsellor. I think I picked up the first book I read by him during the mid nineties. And since then I have read most of his books. 


One that really struck a cord was "The gift of therapy" which I have reread a couple of times since buying it several years ago. In this book Yalom shares some of his wisdom with therapists who are just starting out.


The great thing about this book is that it shows the therapist as a human being with faults and worries of his own. I like how he writes about himself and dares to be vulnerable. 

There is always the debate of how much therapists should share with clients. Should they share if there is something going on in their life? Should they tell a client if they have been through something similar as the client is facing right now? That is an ever ongoing debate. As I work with client groups who are going through the same thing I have gone through [being highly sensitive & living with chronic pain] I do share when it comes to those areas. Also because it is relevant to therapy. But there is a fine line between not sharing enough and sharing too much about your private life and one that we always have to keep in mind.


And yet I am an admirer of the kinds of books written by therapist who do share some of their lives with us. Another great favoriet of mine is "The unquiet mind" written by Kay Redfield Jamison in which a psychiatrist openly talks about her own struggle with being manic depressive. 


I think that if a therapist is at ease with what has happened in his or her life and worked through it and found balance it can often be a great bonus when this is used in therapy. As long as she is always critical of why she is sharing certain info with clients and to make sure that is has value.

enJOY

I am now in week two of the practice building conference 2011. And it is bringing me so much. Wonderful presentations and networking with other counsellors. One thing is clear, we are all out there to do the best job we can online in helping people and doing that in an ethical way. That is what brought me the most joy during the first week.

That is what stayed with me from one of the talks last week. Enjoying and looking at the bright side of life is not always easy for those in constant pain or those highly sensitive people out there who are always bombarded with new information. And yet it is the essense of life! Look at what works in your life not at what doesn't work. I know this is not always easy an I am not saying that I succeed every day. I will say that it has enriched my life and makes me feel much more content even on the bad days.

This always makes me feel joy

The presentation mentioned a very easy and fast excersise to keep you focussed on the joy.
At the end of the day just sit and write down 5 things that you have been grateful for that day. Those can be simple thoughts or much deeper thoughts

• I am grateful the sun is shining
• I am grateful that I did not lose my temper
• I am grateful that I enjoyed the company of friends today despite the pain
• I am grateful that the train was on time and got me to my destination on time despite the huge crowds

focussing on the good and not lingering in the bad or even feeling like a 'victim'makes such a difference in day to day life. It only takes a few minutes a day, why not give it a try?
 

Find your passion

Passion: Why is that so important to us? Feeling passionate about something makes us feel happy and belong to something.

That is of course important to everybody but I would say even more so for people who are highly sensitive and those with pain problems. Let me list just a few of the adavantages of doing something you feel passionate about.

• It distracts from every day life
• When you do something you really like you feel less pain
• espcially when done together it is good for social interaction and making new friends
• being active makes you feel better about yourself
• Something to look forward to on bad days

 Now how do you find a passion like that?



If you don't have hobbies [or gave them up because they became physically impossible/cost too much energy] make a list of things you would enjoy. For now don't look at the practical side just write it down.

After you have made your list, and take your time in doing so, pick out the things that appeal to you most. We will concentrate on those.

You should now have a peace of paper with a few things on it that appeal to you. Somehow you stopped doing them or never tried them in the first place.

• Look and write down what it would take to do them. 
• Maybe you have to start slower then you did in the past
• with some addaptions you might be able to do it
• ask for help! You will be amazed how many people are willing to help if you just ask them something that is reasonable
• Inform if organisations have something in place to help the disabled
• etc

 I would like to give an example of something that is one of my passions. Going to medieval and fantasy fairs. Last weekend I went to the elf fantasy fair in Arcen.This is a pretty huge gathering that is held twice a year and at first such a crowd doesn't seem the ideal place for somebody is highly senstive and picks up energies of others in a crowd.

This is what I do to make it right for me:

• I make sure that I do not travel on the day of the fair [or if it is close just a small amount of travel]
• If I have to travel under half an hour I will ask friends if we can share a ride as public transport takes a lot of energy
• In case I do get overwhelmed I find a quiet spot to sit for a while and ground myself
• Take plenty of rest breaks sitting down to gather my energy
• Spend the day in good company
• Make sure I eat and drink enough
• Go home when I feel it has been enough

This is just an example. But one I like to use because the atmosphere here is so relaxed. The age range varies from babies to retired people. All kind of costumes. And everybody is accepted for what and who they are. No costume gets laughed at and people of all ages and body types do walk around in costumes. 




So what is your passion? How did you find it and what is so special about it to you?


 
 

More on online education

This week I want to talk some more on my favorite topic. Education for counsellors. If you read my post regularly, you will already know how important that is to me. That is the reason I qualified myself as an online counsellor next to my f2f diploma's in counselling and coaching. For those who want to train for online counsellling this course is starting next week.

But being a counsellor means you keep learning, I think curiosity is a great trait to have for a therapist. This week I am attending a counseling conference that takes place in Second Life. [it will be on until saturday so you can  still catch some of it. This is the 3rd year the virtual conference for counsellors is being held in Second Life. [if you don't feel secure enough in Second Life onlinevents is streaming it live from their website and you can still participate in the chat!] It is an excellent oppertunity to network, learn more about what is going on in the world of online counselling, new technologies and learning a lot more about virtual worlds and their possibilities. The starting day yesterday already had some very interesting topics. Most interesting yesterday was a discussion by Kate Anthony and DeeAnna Marz Nagel with the director of an upcoming documentary login2life. This documentary focusses on the positive sides of Second Life, how virtual worlds can be a haven a support for people with dissabilities. I can't wait to see the whole documentary!

I want to mention another online conference as well. Normally I do not go for paid conferences , but for this one I am making an exeption. The practice building conference is organised by Casey Truffo. Her book " How to be a wealthy therapist" is like a bible to me. A lot of therapists have problems with charging money for what we do and this book has helped me see that I am worth it! Marketing a practice is strangely enough not a part of most therapy training programs. That is were books and conference like this one come in. You gain so much knowledge and it is also such a great oppertunity to network and get to know other therapists. This alone can lead to business oppertunities somewhere in the future.